Why?

This is my first blog. I doubt that it will be my last.

It is not the first time I have asked the question "Why?".
Two weeks ago my wife and I found out that she has metastatic breast cancer. The shock was quite severe. She is just 56 and has never been ill.

We have three married children, three grandchildren that she would love to see grow up, and a whole lot of places in this world that we would like to travel to.

I retired from full-time teaching last May after thirty-four years in front of a classroom. At the time I really didn't know why I was retiring at age 56 other than wanting to teach a few more junior college classes and do a little writing.

Last week I found out what God's plan for me really was. I am thrilled that I can take care of my wife and be with her for all of her medical visits and treatments.

We have a large family supporting us. We have friends, neighbors and fellow parishioners to pray for us. But we have no one who can answer the question "Why?"

People have told me that it's alright to be angry. I'm not really angry. I do feel a little bit sorry for myself, but mostly I just want to feel for my wife. I have been a little embarrassed that as the word has spread and I have had to tell friends about our situation I have been much more emotional than my wife.

I tell myself that it is only natural - I never really got over the loss of my mother who died of a cerebral hemorrhage at age 43. I will learn to deal with this. If nothing else, my wife's strength will shame me into dealing with it.

We are only now starting treatments. My wife would like to be included in a clinical study that might create information to help others. I was not quite so philanthropic, but I support her 100 percent.

Many others have gone through what we are facing. I hope they found answers to their question.

NRH